i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Randomize
