Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
