3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Randomize
