I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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