it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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