I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
