Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
