im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize