Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
