Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
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