just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
