I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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