The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Randomize
