I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
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