There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
We just shotgunned beers for America
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
