I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize