How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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