i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize