Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
