Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
