It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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