we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
