I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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