hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
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