thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
