You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize