dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
