i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
