Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
