We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
