Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
someone owes me an orgasm
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
