he wants to bone in the snuggie
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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