she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize