that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
