he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Randomize
