my vag is so smooth its legendary
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
