my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
