considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Randomize
