My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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