i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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