Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
