We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize