I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
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