i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
