chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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