I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
