Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Little spoons don't ask big questions
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize