No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
