I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
where are my eyebrows?
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
