it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
