So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Be still, my beating vagina.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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