ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
