Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
operation have a gay friend backfired
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
