explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
He keeps bees of course he's weird
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
