in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
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