is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
