Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize