I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
