I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
