She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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