is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
