fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
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