ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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