That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
