He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
