ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
