If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
she told me i tasted like america
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
This toilet bowl is my home.
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