You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
