Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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