It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
