I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Randomize
